Here’s my secret to how I can stay awake from 5:30 AM to 9:30 PM every day.

And it’s not coffee or anything related to caffeine.

It’s yoga nidra!

I know I’m not supposed to sleep during yoga nidra, but did I fall asleep and still reap the benefits?

Totally yes!

Unlike a normal nap, I wake up from yoga nidra with a clear head and a renewed sense of focus. A regular nap might leave me groggy and hard to wake up from, but yoga nidra feels completely different.

I first fell in love with yoga nidra when I was co-facilitating an online workshop with my friend Youmin Yap on resting and intention-setting. Yoga nidra, also known as yogic sleep, is a relaxation practice rooted in ancient yogic traditions. It helps release tension from both the body and mind, guiding us into a profound state of calm and inner peace.

In this workshop, Youmin—an expert rest coach and forest bathing therapy trainer—would lead a 10-minute yoga nidra session, and afterwards I would guide participants in crafting their intention statements.

As we settled in for yoga nidra, Youmin explained what it meant to her:

“Yoga Nidra is a very delicious rest medicine that is super accessible to people. You do not have to be of a physical fitness level. You do not have to be of a certain belief. Everybody knows how to lie down and close their eyes. Yoga Nidra then is like a river of rest where we just flow with the words and, in a very seamless, effortless way, we enter the restful state.”

I followed Youmin’s guidance, making myself as comfortable as possible on my yoga mat. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and paid attention to each body part as she guided me. Soon my awareness drifted in and out, hovering somewhere between relaxation and sleep.

The funny thing was, I did fall asleep—but I naturally woke up to her voice right when the practice was ending. No alarm needed.

I was amazed with the sense of clarity I had after I woke up. With just 10 minutes of yoga nidra, I felt like I had another 8 hours of sleep. I was awake, alert, focus, and most importantly – relaxed.

How was this possible?

It turns out yoga nidra has countless benefits. One of the most important is that it activates the parasympathetic nervous system—our body’s “rest and digest” mode—which explains why it’s so effective for reducing stress.

Yoga nidra also supports spiritual growth, helping us feel more connected to a greater presence and to our True Self.

Youmin shared that one of the benefits of yoga nidra is that it redistributes mental energy from the head back into the body for healing. That made so much sense for me. Every time I woke up from yoga nidra, I felt as though my inner batteries had been recharged to at least 90%.

As we progressed each day in the retreat, I also started to stay awake during the yoga nidra practice. On the first two days I fell asleep for almost the entire session. But on the third and forth day I started to stay awake longer. On the fifth and sixth day I didn’t fall asleep at all, I heard every word that Youmin said, and I also picked up on my soul’s whispers.

After each yoga nidra session, Youmin would ask us to write down our soul’s whispers and at the end of the retreat we would piece them together to weave into our soul-aligned intention for the year.

At the beginning of this year, I’ve fallen in love with practicing yoga nidra after lunch as a way to recharge my batteries and to counter the energy dip I would experience after eating. I love a good 20-minute to 30-minute yoga nidra practice. On the days that I knew I wouldn’t get an afternoon break, I would try to get in a 10 to 15-minute yoga nidra practice in the morning so my energy could last till the end of the day.

Of course, there were days when I couldn’t fit in a yoga nidra “nap,” especially while traveling, and I was still fine.

But as a mom of two kids, four dogs, and a few businesses to run, I love that even a short 10-minute yoga nidra practice leaves me refreshed and recharged, and it gives me energy to keep going in my day.

And it’s not that type of stimulating energy that caffeine would give – which often makes us feel like we still need willpower to push through the day and then we’d crash to exhaustion at the end of the day.

The energy I receive from yoga nidra is a restored sense of calmness and focus, knowing that I can still be my best self at the end of the day.

PS: I usually write best in the morning before lunch time but guess what, this blog is written right after I woke up from my yoga nidra “nap” after lunch and it still makes sense (hopefully).

Resources:

• Youmin Yap’s yoga nidra audio: https://xiunatureconnections.com/gifts/p/pause 
• Free yoga nidra practices videos by Ally Boothroyd: https://www.youtube.com/@SarovaraYoga
• “Yoga Nidra – Step-by-Step Guide to Yogic Sleep for Top Relaxation” by OneYoga Thailand: https://oneyogathailand.com/yoga-nidra-step-by-step-guide-to-yogic-sleep-for-top-relaxation/
• “What Happens if You Fall Asleep During Yoga Nidra?” by Christian Möllenhoff: https://www.forceful-tranquility.com/what-happens-if-you-fall-asleep-during-yoga-nidra/

Intention is the “why” behind our actions and our thoughts.

Intention is what drives us. It is our “raison-d’etre”.

If we are unaware of our true intentions, we may be letting intention to steer us away from where we want to be and what we want to create in our lives. It’s like letting someone drive for us and we don’t tell the driver where we are going.

That’s why it’s important to know whether our intention comes truly from a place of love or a place of fear. Once we are clear with our intention, we can make sure it is aligned with what we want to manifest in our lives.

Here’s an example of doing the same thing but with different intentions. Let’s say there are two people who decide to do yoga daily.

Person A is doing yoga daily because she is scared of getting cancer, scared of getting fat and old, or scared of feeling left out from her other friends.

Person B decides to do yoga daily because she enjoys it a lot. Her body feels good after yoga and she loves that she has more energy.

Person A’s intention is coming from a place of fear, and Person B’s intention is coming from a place of love.

Well why does it matter? With different intentions, even though these two people may be doing the same action, they may see different results in the long run.

Obviously sometimes it’s not so clear cut where our intention comes from, and sometimes it may be mixed with both love and fear.

In today’s blog I want to share with you my personal story of discovering my own intention and how it helps to reset my mindset.

It was my 39^th birthday coming up. Being close to 40, I definitely had some reflections. I have lived almost half of my life now. I was reflecting what I’ve done in the past and what I wanted to do in the future, hoping to make good use of my time for the rest of my life.

To be honest, mostly I was feeling regrets from the past. I saw photos of my younger self. How pretty I was then. I wish I could be more confident with my body then. My youthful years have passed and my body is not the same as when I was in my 20s. How I wish I could have appreciated myself more.

I was also not feeling satisfied with where I was today. I wish I could be stronger and fitter. I wish I could be smarter with money. I wish I could be more successful with my businesses. I wish I could be a better mom.

I know I should be grateful. Logically that was what my mind said. But I was not feeling it at all.

I felt like every area of my life was not good enough. I felt like I was lagging behind. I felt like by 40 I should be more successful, like many other momtrepreneurs I saw on social media but I wasn’t.

The night before my birthday, I sat down in meditation. I wanted some peace and quiet but my mind was churning with thoughts. I asked myself what I wanted to prioritize and focus on for the next year. What else did I want to manifest?

One thought after another, here’s what was going through my mind all the while I was in meditation:

What do I want to focus on? What is my priority?

My priority is still…spending time with my kids.

Why?

Because I’m afraid that they would grow up so quickly and later when they get older, they won’t want to spend so much time with their mom.

Afraid? Hmmm…does that mean I’m doing this because I’m afraid? Is my intention coming from a place of fear?

Yes. It’s coming from a place of fear.

So how can I shift my intention to a place of love?

A phrase suddenly popped into my mind: “I’m proud of.” 

Okay…what can I be proud of?

And I started listing all the things that I was proud of in my head.

I want to spend time with my kids because…I’m proud of my kids.

I’m proud of my health and body that I can still do many things with my kids. 

I’m proud of my team at Museflower who knows what they are doing and can carry on running the retreat center without my constant presence. So I can work from home and spend time with my kids.

I’m proud of all the support I receive. I’m proud of taking time for myself to nourish me and to rest properly, so then I have more energy to be with my kids.

As I was doing my list mentally with my eyes closed, holding a mudra, I started to feel a shift within. I felt lighter like a heavy veil around me was lifted. I began to feel more excited about the future.

I knew I just received the best birthday present for myself. I opened my eyes and went straight to my journal to write down my thoughts.

In the next few days I kept on repeating the “I’m proud of” statements to myself. To me, the word “proud” was similar to “grateful” but at this moment in time, the word “proud” resonated with me much more deeply.

Being “proud” of me wasn’t something that I heard from others as I was growing up. I felt that I was not good enough in every area of my life.

And this phrase “I’m proud of myself” was the mindset shift that I needed. Instead of focusing on the faults to reinforce my limiting belief of “I was not good enough”, I reminded myself what I could be proud of to celebrate how far I have come.

I’m looking forward to the future again. And I accept my past.

I don’t know how many more years I have ahead of me to live. But at least I know that now I am proud of myself and all that I have achieved, accomplished and co-created with the Universe.

Conclusion

By sharing my personal story, I hope you can see the power of intention in our lives.

When I recognized that my intention was based on fear, it was like something got unlocked. I was not locked in fear anymore. By changing up the word I used in my intention, my mindset completely shifted.

One week has past since my birthday now and I still hold on dearly to the phrase “I’m proud of.” Whenever I repeat this statement to myself, I take a deep breath and a smile comes to me. I know that now I can truly appreciate life as it is from the bottom of my heart.

Being aware of our intention without judging or criticizing can help us live more consciously. It holds great power to setting the tone for the rest of the day, month or even year.

When we align our mind and heart with a love-based intention, we will see that everything will fall into its right place and we are truly living in the flow.

Join Youmin and Tania’s FREE 60-minute “Setting Intention Through Rest” online workshop on Sep 21, 2024 (Sat) from 8.30 – 9.30am Thailand time to experience yoga nidra and allow your heart’s intention arise from a rested place and to learn how to craft an affirmation statement.

The name “Museflower” was inspired by my own healing journey with flower essences.

In fact, it was because of flower essences, I was led to Chiang Rai to experience my first ever retreat back in 2011.

In today’s blog I want to share with you my story of how flower essences led me to Museflower.

To learn more about what flower essences are and how they work, check out my last blog here:  https://musefloweretreat.com/how-flower-essences-can-balance-your-emotions/

I first heard about flower essences from my boss Linda when I was working at a resort spa in Phuket. She was studying Australian Bush flower essences in her free time and she showed me her books. That’s when the seed was planted in me.

A couple years later, I was curious if anybody offered flower essences in Thailand. I googled and found a teacher who offered flower essence retreats in Chiang Rai. I was immediately drawn to her courses and retreats, but I didn’t know when I could go. I also never traveled solo before and I didn’t have the guts to go somewhere unfamiliar by myself. I’d just keep it on my bucket list, I told myself.

Then my dad passed away suddenly in March 2011. I was already working as a successful spa manager by then and my life was tossed upside down. I resigned from my job six months later, and found that I had some holiday to clear so I contacted the teacher and decided to go to her center in Chiang Rai in November 2011. I was going for a private flower essence retreat as there were no other group retreats going on at that time.

In that retreat I learned to make flower essences, but most importantly, it was a time of self-discovery and healing for my grief. After that retreat I was inspired to sign up for a Bach Flower Essence practitioner course in Hong Kong to learn how to share this beautiful gift of nature with others.

Since then I returned to Chiang Rai a few more times for retreats, as I really loved the natural environment here and I also connected very much to my teacher. Long story short, I had the opportunity to build a new retreat center with my teacher in 2012. But then our partnership fell apart and we split the business in 2014, I again turned to flowers for help.

It was one of the darkest times of my life. I was stuck in a business project that I couldn’t leave. I became the villain in my teacher’s life. I lost complete faith and trust in myself, and I didn’t know what to do. I felt powerless and helpless. I had some support but I was far away from my family and friends back in Hong Kong. Luckily I met my husband who was helping me a lot to rebrand the retreat center.

I had to revisit my own intention of setting up a retreat center and spa. Why did I want to do it? Initially I was doing it to support my teacher. What was it for me?

I remember my dad’s depression, and how powerless and helpless I felt when I couldn’t do anything to help him. And how powerless and helpless he must have felt too, in a time when talking about emotional and mental health was still a stigma in the society.

My dad resisted a lot of the idea of taking anti-depressants, and it just made him feel more like a failure when he did take anti-depressants. All the physical and emotional suffering led him on the road to suicide.

When I was walking in the gardens of Museflower pondering my next step and my intention, a flower caught my eye. It was magenta in color with small star-like yellow flowers surrounding the center. That was it. The flower was called Zinnia.

Inspired by this flower, I started sketching the new logo. I drew a stick figure in the center of the flower reaching up to the stars. The stick figure was also in a shape of the Chinese character 火 which meant fire. There were exactly 13 tiny star-like yellow flowers in the Zinnia flower I saw, and I kept that in the drawing. The number 13 was a magical number to me.

I gained clarity with my intention of why I wanted to do this. I wanted to recreate the flower essence retreat experience that helped me tremendously, and also to add in my own twist.

Emotional health is a very important topic to me, and everything is connected to our energy. In our society, we don’t really get to learn about energy healing, intuition, and how to honor our emotions.

So I really wanted to create a safe and peaceful sanctuary for people to reconnect with themselves, and to learn holistic healing tools to help themselves.

Nature is such a powerful healer. That’s why this center is called Museflower – every flower, plant, tree, stone and everything else in nature can serve as a muse for all of us. To live with inspiration, with purpose, and with love.

It is my wish that we remember as humans, we are all part of nature, and there is so much to learn from nature about living consciously. And to remember that we are all here for a reason. We are all here to grow and evolve, and to use our unique gifts and talents and sensitivities to serve the world with love.

And it all begins within, starting with ourselves.

Book an intuitive healing session with Tania during your stay at Museflower where she always begins the session with a flower essence consultation. The intuitive healing session can also be booked as the private wellness session included in the Yoga Retreat Chiang Rai and Spa Getaway Thailand retreat package.

In our upcoming Cacao + Bhakti Yoga Retreat from Oct 3 – 6, 2024, Tania will also guide each retreat participant to pick a flower essence to help support their emotional healing journey during the retreat.

The past week I was facilitating the online 1-week mantra meditation challenge for creativity and intuition, and there were four of us in the group including me.

Just like giving birth to a child, the initial process of setting this up, promoting it, sharing about it, and preparing for it took a lot of time and effort.

But after finishing the one-week challenge, I felt like all the effort and time and energy that was put into it was completely worth it. And here’s why: there were so many mini-miracles and synchronicities happening in the past week and I knew that they were all reconfirmation that I was on the right path, and that the Universe truly was there around me, holding me and supporting me.

Here’s what happened during the 1-week mantra meditation challenge:

Day 1

The first day after recording the first online workshop, as I was uploading the videos at night, I saw a firefly landed on my window just right by my desk. I had never seen a firefly that closeup before. It was blinking its tail with its green light, and after I said thank you (and tried to capture the moment on video), it flew away. I knew right away that it was a sign from the Universe, encouraging me to keep going. The same day I also had a podcast interview with The Inquisitive Wren hosted by Sha that went very well. I knew it was the energy of Saraswati’s mantra that helped me with communication and the flow of words.

Day 3

On day 3, it quickly got very real when I had an episode with my son that turned out to be a learning opportunity for me. It gave me a lot of insights, and inspired me to write my soulful reflections blog called “The many gifts of meditation and escaping life is not one of them”. I realize that it is because I have my regular meditation practice to lean on that I can feel safe to express my emotions. I shared my personal story to the group as an invitation to notice the power of our words.

Day 4

On day 4, I was feeling proud of myself for getting some work done that involved creativity this week. I finished creating a couple flyers, which one of them I wanted to do since December but hadn’t got the time and motivation to do it. For the first time in almost three years, I used stock videos in one of my videos. In the past I felt that it was too time-consuming so I usually just avoided it, but this time I followed my intuition and my creative vision without compromising. It also inspired me to share this to the group as an invitation next day to close open loops, as a way to give a more focused direction when we talked about going with the flow.

Day 5

On day 5, I realized there were emotions arising in my dreams the past few nights. Even though the emotions were related to the stories in my dreams, but I could also see why I would have these emotions in my daily life but maybe I just didn’t acknowledge them properly. So I was grateful that my dreams helped me process the emotions that wanted to be released. It also relates to Saraswati’s energy as her mantra is connected with the sacral chakra and throat chakra, and the sacral chakra (the energy center by our lower abdominal and pelvic area) is where we store emotions.

My dreams inspired me to share this as a daily invitation to the group to notice their dreams. The same day I received an email from another guest who stayed at Museflower a few weeks ago about having a nightmare about her old workplace and how she felt that a lot of emotions were released from her dream. What a synchronicity! To me, it’s another sign from the Universe reconfirming to me that I was right to follow my intuition to talk about dreams.

The same day I also followed my intuition and resent an email with our gmail account to an outside guest who inquired about the Thailand Bhakti Yoga Study Group soul retreat program in case my first email reply went to her junk mailbox. She immediately replied to my second email and was eager to start her 3-day Bhakti Yoga Study Group program with me tomorrow!

Day 6

On day 6 it was such a special day for me to have the opportunity to share the practice of Bhakti Yoga in two places (online and physically at Museflower). During our first day of workshop here at Museflower, I met Daria, and I was very inspired and touched by her intention which was to embrace and to love her own voice more. It planted a seed in my mind too – how can we all love our voice more? Again, it’s very much related to the qualities of Saraswati’s mantra this week, as Saraswati is the goddess of language, sound, wisdom, and insight.

Today’s soul work was also to do one thing different. In the afternoon when my son came home from school, he took a guitar out and wanted to play “band” and to film it. The seed that was planted in my mind that morning sprouted. It gave me an idea for tomorrow’s final challenge for the group.

Day 7

On day 7 my son fell sick and he had to stay home. Luckily with the support of my family, I could still continue teaching. In the second day of our workshop here at Museflower, my conversation with Daria got me thinking a lot about seeing our voice as a performance versus as an offering.

As we share our voice through our writing, speech, or any other forms, we may get too focused on how other people react to what we say, and how others will judge us just like it’s a performance. Especially in the social media world today, even me I admit that sometimes I get too focused on followers count, engagement and reach, that I can get discouraged if I feel that no one is “liking” the content that I’m putting out.

But what if we can see our voice as an offering instead? It takes the focus back to our intention and the why in why-I’m-doing-this-at-the-first-place. One of Saraswati’s qualities is forgiveness, especially when it comes to the arts. She wants us to play, experiment and explore, because it is through mistakes that we can learn and grow.

So I presented the final challenge to the group and Daria – it was to create a 30-second “silly song” video of them singing and to post it in our private Facebook group. They could sing any song they like, invite anyone to join them in the video, and play any musical instrument they want while they’re singing.

I know this challenge would require our group to step outside of their comfort zone. A lot of times when we watch our own video talking or singing, we cringe and our inner critic will just start picking out all the flaws. In our minds, it will be an absolute horror to let other people see such videos.

But look at children and see how much they enjoy watching their own videos of talking, singing and doing silly things. They just laugh and think it’s funny.

If we remember the power of our self-talk, and to truly see our voice as an offering, can we then embrace and love our voice better? Just like when we look at ourselves in the mirror and decide to tell ourselves that we look beautiful instead of picking out the flaws, can we listen to our own voice without judgment and criticism, hold space for our voice to express the way it wants, and just play, enjoy and have fun with our voice?

Day 8 & Beyond

Day 8 was the final day for both the online 1-week mantra meditation challenge and the last day of Bhakti Yoga Study Group here at Museflower, and it was full moon! My son and I wrote down a couple things to let go and to release in the fire. I was so grateful to have the opportunity to share the practice of mantra and mudra meditation with others.

But the healing journey didn’t just stop there. On day 9 I was inspired to learn and practice a new mantra (learning is also one of Saraswati’s qualities), and on day 10 I had a lot of tears and sadness that got released.

On day 11 I felt better again, new ideas were coming to me, and I decided to sit down and to write this blog to document my miracles the past week.

And that I will have the mindfulness, the awareness, the consciousness to catch myself when I’m falling back into my pattern, and to choose to respond differently.

To choose to respond with love instead of fear.

And that is one of the many gifts from meditation. It is divine grace.

This realization came through to me when an episode happened with my son during our online 1-week mantra meditation challenge for creativity this week.

The story began like this…

It started with something small. I asked my 5-year-old to make his bed, which he normally does anyway. But this morning he decided that he wanted to make my bed and not his. I’ve already made mine, so he undid what I did and made it again but refused to do his own bed.

One word led to another, I became very frustrated. I was feeling so fed up that no one was listening to me. It was definitely something inside me that got triggered by this small incident.

I admit that I was a bit harsh with my words at the beginning. I wanted him to do as I told but he didn’t, and I wanted him to show respect.

He started to get upset. I started to get upset. So I left the room, knowing full well that if I didn’t, I would say more hurtful words to further add damage to the situation.

As I was brushing my teeth and washing my face, I was still angry, but I started to contemplate how to move forward. I still needed to get him to take his breakfast and go to school. If I just left the situation as it was, we would just stay stuck.

So I was thinking to myself how I should proceed. What should I say or do to let him understand that respect is important to me?

For one moment, I thought, it would just be easier to use my dominance and power to tell him to do what I say. Afterall, that was very much the environment I grew up in. In Chinese culture, you never talk back to your parents or any elderlies. That would consider to be very disrespectful and a huge no-no in our culture. So as a kid, if an adult was shouting, whether it was at me or around me, I learned to shut my mouth and keep silent to stay out of trouble.

So I could yell at my son and told him to get on with going to school. But I knew that would only instill fear in him, and the effects would only be temporary (meaning he would only do what I said then but not later). It would be the opposite of what I intended. Trust me, it happened to me before so I learned my lesson.

How could I take this moment and turn it into a teaching opportunity as a parent?

Football was what came to mind. I’ve always told my son that we were a team, not opposites. And because my son played football at school, I thought perhaps this analogy would make sense to him.

So I went back to his room, he was still crying and I sat down and talked about football. How in a football team when the coach asked him or other students to do something, they would need to do it for the sake of the team. Sometimes there would be something that he wouldn’t like to do, maybe the warm up exercises or cleaning up afterwards, but it was for the benefit of the team. Of course when the leader asked him to do something, he could always disagree, but there must be a reason too.

After my explanation, he calmed down, finished up with his sniffles, we hugged, we made up and both of us moved on with the day.

Of course perhaps it’s not so much in the words that I was saying but the energy that I was exuding that calmed him down. I wasn’t all worked up anymore, so he could relax and listen.

This all happened before I needed to show up to lead our daily japa practice, and naturally it became my very real story of the day to share about the power of our words.

The insight came through to me after I sent my son off to school and when I was sitting in my own short meditation practice before the group class began.

I used to be someone who avoided conflict like a plague. And so for many years I looked calm on the outside (and I got a great poker face by the way), and people would tell me how calm I was. I thought I was too. As I embarked on my own spiritual journey, whenever I felt triggered, I learned to just breath and let it go. Or so I thought.

What I didn’t realize at that time was that I was just bypassing, ignoring and suppressing anger and whole heaps of other emotions inside me. By breathing and letting it go without truly facing the real root cause of why I was triggered at the first place, I was just hiding my true feelings without expressing them.

Now I have many tools, such as journaling, chanting, and fire ceremony, to help me express and release all the emotions within me. I don’t need to bottle up my emotions anymore.

I realize a huge benefit that I’m reaping from my own meditation practice is mindfulness. When I’m feeling angry and starting to react with hurtful words and actions, I’ve learned to catch myself in the heat of the moment, and to make a conscious choice to respond with more awareness. To know that I have a choice – I can do the same thing that I’ve always done and react that way, or to try something different from a place of love.

I know that I have my meditation practice and my intuition to lean on, and now I feel safe to express my own emotions thanks to my practice.

To me, that is the moment of divine grace – I know that I cannot do all this just by myself and by my own willpower. When I choose to respond differently, I allow words and acts of love to flow through me, transforming the energy around the situation with a presence of love.

Of course it’s not perfect every time. I’m still a mess. But as Elizabeth Gilbert said, “embrace the glorious mess that you are”.

It is my wish that you can also experience this gift of meditation in your daily life.

*Disclosure: This blog post includes affiliate links. Please note that I only recommend books, products, courses, and services that resonate with me and all opinions expressed are my own. The affiliate link below means that I will earn a small commission if you decide to make a purchase at no cost to you. 

I first read about Somatic Experiencing in Gabrielle Bernstein’s book called “Happy Days”. She shared how it was one of the therapies that helped her process her own trauma.

I was curious. I didn’t think that I needed therapy for trauma until a significant emotional trauma happened in my life back in April 2022.  That was when I googled Somatic Experiencing online and found Elena Jacinta – a practitioner who was living in Chiang Mai at that time and could offer online sessions through Zoom.

Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-oriented therapy that helps our bodies process shock and trauma without the need to revisit or talk about any traumatic memories.  It was first founded by Dr. Peter Levine. Somatic Experiencing can help us regulate our nervous system and to restore connection back into our physical body.

For someone like me who lives a lot in my head, and who teaches about emotional and energy healing, I know I need a modality that helps me to be more connected to my physical body.

I am so grateful to have found Elena online and have experienced Somatic Experiencing sessions many times now under her guidance. Every session’s experience is different but I know I always receive what I need.

Through my sessions, I’ve learned that our body always knows what needs to be healed. Our body also contains all the resources it needs already to heal itself. How genius!

In today’s blog I share my experience of Somatic Experiencing with you. I truly feel that it has been such a beneficial therapy for me, and it may also be helpful for those of you who want to feel more grounded in your body, whether you are aware of any trauma or not.

At the beginning of my session, I was feeling lost.

There were things to get to, tasks to tend to, and work to be done. I just came back from two holidays and I was already looking forward to my next one.

There were things to do but I didn’t know how to get them done.

Everything that I wanted to do seemed a bit out of reach, like there was a gap between me and my goal or dream or desire, and I didn’t know how to get there.

When Elena asked me what I would like to focus on today, the word “clarity” arose from my heart energy center.

Funny – because that’s what I usually help people with my own sessions. Again, it reconfirms that we teach what we need the most.

As Elena guided me to tune into my heart and body and noticed what showed up, I noticed sadness. Then it was a feeling of doubt. Then kindness, and a sense of relief.

I felt I reached a sense of plateau in my life.

There was a feeling in my heart that I expressed with my hands, that felt like something wanted to burst through – a break through. But then just as the moment my hands moved forward, I brought my hands back onto my heart and leaned back. I felt my fear.

It was scary. It felt easier to stay where I was. More safe and comfortable. Yet the heart had spoken. I felt this heaviness in the front of my body.

Elena asked me what my body wanted to do, and I felt like standing. So I moved sloly from sitting to standing, and I already felt a bit better. The heaviness was still there but it wasn’t just focused in the front of my body. I felt more balanced.

Then I wanted to move backwards from the screen a bit. When I did that, I felt more relieved. I was creating distance between my laptop and myself, and instantly I understood what that meant – my laptop was a symbol of my work.

As I was stepping backwards, I felt like I was leaving this hole that was sucking my energy. Instead, I could feel more of myself again.

I knew where my doubts came from. A few days ago I read a guest’s comment about the workshop she attended with me, and she felt that the material was hard to understand and impractical for her.

The moment when I saw the words, my heart sank. “I was a failure” was the thought that circulated my mind and I wanted to cry.

From the moment when I distanced myself from my laptop physically, it was a symbolic gesture of releasing my own attachment of defining myself through my work and performance. I am not my work. My soul essence is not defined by what I do.

I could feel more air circulating around my body. I moved myself again, instead of standing and facing my laptop right in front of me, I moved towards my bookshelf so I was looking at my laptop from the side.

I felt better. From that point I could see my meditation altar, my laptop and my bookshelf. Instead of just focusing my vision on one thing, I could see the other things in my life that nourished and supported me.

I was comfortable where I was standing, and I felt supported again. Elena reminded me that I had my imaginary membrane around me which represented my boundary. She asked if I felt curious to move again.

Yes, curiosity was a key word for me. I didn’t need to choose anything. I could just be curious and explore. So I did.

This time, I moved to the center of my room, where I could see my laptop in front of me but with space. My meditation altar was exactly on my left side and my bookshelf on my right. And I had space behind me too.

As I was standing there, I could feel more grounded. I didn’t feel an expansive of energy. I didn’t feel small. I felt anchored in my body and I could feel my hands, my feet and my legs.

Elena asked if there were any words arising from within that my body wanted to tell me. The first word that popped up was “resilience.” I told Elena that I felt power in my body.

She asked how I would feel if I repeated the statement, “I feel my power” to myself. When I did that, another statement came to me that rang truer: “I claim my power.”

It was not even about feeling my power; it was about claiming it. With my boundaries around me, feeling protected and supported now, I realized how much I was affected by the words from others, and it was because I defined myself through my work.

When I let go and released that grip (literally that was what my hands were doing in the session), and repeated this statement silently to myself, I could feel this strength and power building within me.

It was a deep knowing and remembering, that I could do what I’ve come here to do. I felt motivated to do better, not because of what others said, but because I was reclaiming my own power and I wanted to do better.

As we were wrapping up the session, Elena invited me to repeat the statement out loud this time with my eyes and voice. I did and I cringed. Literally, my toes curled and my body contracted when I was saying it out loud. I was nervous. Clearly, I have more work to do. But I got the clarity I needed in today’s session.

Today I remember, I am not defined by my work. I do not need to identify myself with only one aspect of my life.

Today I remember that I can do it – whatever dreams I wish to realize.

Today I remember what true surrender feels like – it is when I release the grip of my fists as a symbolic gesture to release my attachments, and then I hold my fists again as I feel an inner power gathering within me.

It was the same action of holding my fists, but inside I felt the difference.

Today, I remember to claim my power.

And I start from here again.

If you are interested to learn more about Somatic Experiencing, check out their official website here: https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/

For more information about Elena’s work, feel free to check out her website below (no affiliation, I just benefit so much from her work that I would love to share with you): https://backtoyourbody.org/

*Disclosure: This blog post includes affiliate links. Please note that I only recommend books, products, courses, and services that resonate with me and all opinions expressed are my own. The affiliate link below means that I will earn a small commission if you decide to make a purchase at no cost to you. 

Ceremonies have been facilitated since the beginning of time. In ancient cultures, it is believed that ceremonies were a gateway to communicate with the Divine and the world of the unseen.

To me, ceremonies are a powerful way to open up a line of communication with the Universe. It is like picking up the phone to call the Universe and ask for the Universe’s help and support in our partnership in life.

When I read Sandra Ingerman’s “The Book of Ceremony” many years ago, it changed my life.

I’ve always thought that ceremonies need to be facilitated by someone qualified, like a priest or priestess, a Shaman, or a special teacher.

Though this is true with certain types of ceremonies, Ingerman wrote in her book that anyone could learn to perform simple easy ceremonies for themselves. Ceremonies can be used to help us reconnect with the cycles and seasons of nature and our lives.

As Ingerman shared, “By bringing ceremony into our life, we reconnect with the sacred as we move from a state of disconnection to a state of reconnection to life and nature.”

So how can ceremony be relevant in our daily lives? And does change really happen after we perform a ceremony?

I want to share my personal story with you that demonstrates the healing power of ceremonies in my own life.

It was almost full moon. It was the second full moon of the month, and it was a potent time cosmically for release work.

Both my sons could not sleep well the past couple nights, so that would include me. Sleepless nights and my period – not a good combination.

It was a Wednesday, one day before the full moon, when I decided to do my personal fire release ceremony. I’ve done this many times before already and I’ve witnessed again and again its powerful healing effects.

I was definitely not in my best mood. I was feeling uninspired, and frankly a bit bored in my life. I just came back from holiday a couple weeks ago and I was already looking forward to my next holiday.

I felt like I hit a plateau in my life. I asked myself this question again, what was the meaning of life?  What was the point of helping people if people didn’t want to be helped?

After I finished my daily morning meditation practice, I took some blank pieces of paper and started writing down what I wanted to release.

There was something that happened a couple weeks ago and I knew I was hurting from the words of others. I was letting other people’s judgment to affect how I viewed my own self-worth.

So I wrote that down, and other things that I wanted to release, such as my fears, worries, and anxieties.

I had my candles lit, my metal bowl ready, and I was reading each paper out loud and allowed the candle fire to burn and transmute each piece of paper into ashes. I observed how each piece of paper would burn, and some would burn brighter than others.

When I burnt the last piece of paper, I suddenly had an image of a person popped up in my head. That person had done some hurtful things, and even though I’ve done many release ceremonies and forgiveness practices, I still had emotions coming up.

But the emotions that I was feeling – disappointment, frustration, anger, and sadness, were directed to myself. I felt angry that I didn’t stand up for myself. I felt disappointed that I didn’t protect myself enough and was expecting others to. I felt resentful that I put myself at a disadvantage or put myself last.

I had lost faith in myself.

As I wrote all that down and burnt it, some emotions were stirring within me. I felt a sense of heaviness arising and like I wanted to cry, but no tears were coming out.

Then, I could hear a statement arising within me, “I trust my inner radar more.”

After that, I wrote down my experience and reflections in my journal, and decided to take it slow for the rest of the day.

I also asked myself what my intention was. Why did I want to go on a holiday again?

I wanted to go on an adventure. I wanted to do something fun. I wanted to feel inspired.

That night before I went to bed, I suddenly felt guided to check my personal email. It was a difficult feeling to describe. For me, it felt like an urge coming from my heart energy center, and like there was something moving me in the space around me. Though I couldn’t hear or see anything, I’ve had this feeling before so I knew that it was definitely guidance from my spiritual support team.

The very first email on the top of my inbox was about this new online course hosted by the Shift Network by Dr. Shamini Jain called “Voicing the Goddess” where we would learn how to use mantras and our voice to connect with the Divine Feminine starting next day and I still had time to sign up.

Was that a sign from the Universe? I mean the course was right up my alley (hello, mantra and chanting!). Yet my mind was resisting yet another online course, so I decided to sleep on it and see what happened the next day.

That night my son started to get sick and yet another sleepless night pursued.

The next morning I was back to my normal self. The sun was out, and I was feeding my dogs. I suddenly felt a cool autumn-like breeze – ahhh, my favorite weather and my mood was instantly lifted.

My son was sick with a flu and he couldn’t go to school, but he was still quite energetic. He asked if he could join my meditation practice that morning and to burn some bad stuff, as he said so himself.

He had done simple fire release ceremonies with me before, and even though he didn’t know that it was the full moon, he said he wanted to burn his cough and runny nose away. So he took a few pieces of blank paper and started to draw what he wanted to release – his cough, runny nose, sadness, anger and feeling scared.

We sat together in front of my altar, and I held his hand to help him with the burning.

In the afternoon, we decided to go release the ashes together to the tree near our home. As we were walking towards the tree, I felt a sense of lightness. That morning I facilitated a cacao ceremony with our guests at Museflower and I received an inspiration of what to offer at the end of the year. I also received a birthday gift from my friend A – a handmade mini mala bracelet.

At that moment, I knew that the ceremony “worked”. I just didn’t expect it to be so fast.

I felt inspired – which was exactly my intention after my fire release ceremony.

I felt grateful for A’s gift and just her being there in my classes to help me hold space.

I felt excited for the new idea that came through for the end of the year.

I felt lighter. Even though I know there’s a lot of work to do (both inner and outer), I’m so grateful my children are here with me, teaching me everything as masters of fun.

I felt that new possibilities are opening up in my life again and I felt grateful.

I picked an oracle card as part of my daily practice, and the card said “Initiation.”

That’s right. I had been thinking that I hit a plateau. What if, I viewed this as an initiation instead?

I still don’t know how I’m going to do the things I want to do, but I trust my inner radar and my intuition to point me the way.

PS: I did sign up for the online course after all, as I got another nudge from my intuition the next morning. And I’m excited to say that I’m looking forward to learning more on how to connect with the Divine Feminine through our voice.

As a “recovering” people-pleaser and the youngest in my family, being nice has always been my way to survive in the world.

Of course, I didn’t think of being nice as a survival mechanism. We’ve been ingrained since we were young that it was important to be nice. Especially as a girl – you can never be too nice.

At the beginning of the year as I created my own vision mandala and was meditating on an affirmation, surprisingly it was related to kindness.

“May kindness be heard” and “I am kind to myself” were two statements that arose as I was sitting in meditation.

Throughout the year, I felt that there were lessons unfolding in my life regarding to the topic of kindness.

Is being kind same as being nice then?

I realize there is a difference. An incident happened at the beginning of August, when a staff borrowed some money from me. She was a single mom, and she was struggling financially. She was borrowing money in advance and would work to pay off the debt.

It was not a problem for me, initially. But then she kept on asking for more money when her debt was not paid off yet. Unfortunately she couldn’t come to work on a regular basis as sometimes she needed to take care of her son when her own parents were not available. Basically, every day I didn’t know if she would come to work or not the next day.

She asked again when I was on holiday last month as she needed to pay off some expenses. I dreaded to listen to her voice messages. I felt drained. Why did I feel like I was carrying her financial burden too?

But since I was away and I needed her help to look after my house when I was gone, I lent her the money, telling her that it was the last time until she paid off all her debt.

Lo and behold, a couple days after I came back from my holiday, she asked for some money in advance again to take care of her son. I told her no as I already told her the last time that she needed to pay off her debt before she could borrow more money. But she kept on sending me voice messages persuading me, until finally I got angry and gave her a firm no.

After that she stopped asking. But I kept on thinking in my head if I did the right thing or not. From my past experiences, I felt like I had been nice to people but then I was being taken advantage of or stabbed in my back. Of course, I can see my own role and lesson in that, so I am not blaming anyone or pointing any fingers.

A part of me felt incredibly frustrated and angry. A part of me was wondering if I was too mean and strict. From this, I suddenly remember the word kindness.

I ask myself, as I’m being nice, am I also being kind to myself?

In this case, when I say no, I know I am being kind to myself. I was feeling drained from the whole situation. So instead of beating myself up, I kept on repeating the affirmation “I am kind to myself. I am kind to myself.” And I felt better.

In this situation it’s also not about condemning my staff, portraying her as a villain or letting her go (her performance is still okay and yes she’s still working with me). Instead I need to return to a place of love within myself, to pray for help and guidance, and to visualize healing light around both of us.

I know I am being kind to myself when I set my boundaries and stick to my words.

I know I am being kind to myself when I say no to others, especially when I feel drained.

I know I am being kind to myself when I return to a place of love and surrender.

I now know that being nice doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m being kind to myself. It’s not easy for my people-pleasing part of me as all she wants is the whole world to like and accept me.

But now I remember – I need to be kind to myself because no one else will or is obligated to do that for me.

When I’m kind to myself, I put myself as my first priority in my life, and not in an egotistic way. It is an act of self-love.

Kindness is a practice. And if you find yourself falling off the wagon and wallow in self-doubt or get stuck with your inner critic, do yourself a favor and replace your thoughts with this affirmation, “I am kind to myself.”

Dedicating this to all other people-pleasers in the world. You are infinitely kind and are capable to say no. Remember that when you say no to others, you are saying yes to yourself.

Hello 5G

Fast forward to January 2023, the black tesla plates couldn’t help me anymore.

I got the internet alright, but I was also exiled from my office. I had to move myself to work at the butterfly room just behind the lobby, or stayed at my home office.

Was I going to be exiled from the office forever? I seriously thought to myself.

My last resort was something I’ve never used but have heard of – orgonite. A friend of mine connected me previously with his friend who lives on Koh Samui who makes orgonite pieces. So I decided to text her and ask for her help.

In comes Carol Kandell, a healing artist originally from the US and has moved to live in Koh Samui 8 years ago. She is a certified holistic health practitioner, craniosacral therapist, and mindful sexuality coach. Since COVID, her hands-on healing work was put on a halt, and so she started to delve deep into making orgonites and creating personalized pieces for her clients.

How Orgonite saved me

When I explained my situation to Carol, she immediately understood what I needed. She suggested a few options and I decided to go for a customized orgonite piece that I could put on top of the wifi box, and another piece for my work desk (which I later place in my meditation room and home office instead).

Carol asked me some questions for my personal preferences to get the creative process started, such as my favorite stones, crystals, colors, any specific issues for healing such as anxiety, sleep disturbances, physical ailments besides EMF protection, any things I’d like to call in more such as love, support, any symbols that I feel drawn to such as flower of life, infinity symbol, or inspiration quotes, any animals I like and if I feel strongly connected to my astrological sign.

The creation process took about 3 weeks to complete and Carol was texting me updates here and there. I really appreciated her staying in touch, and by mid-February both pieces were ready.

By end of February the pieces arrived at Chiang Rai, and I was beyond excited when I saw them. Both pieces were so beautiful, and I felt so touched and blessed too. It was the first time that I had a healing art piece customized just for me, and it felt so special that a part of me was even doubting what I did to deserve such beauty.

I brought the piece for the office to test it out right away. I also bought an orgonite pendant from Carol with shungite in it, a black crystal stone known for EMF protection.

At first I placed the orgonite pyramid on the left side of the wifi box where I also had the black tesla plate. But I could still feel the EMF. And it didn’t feel or look right. So I moved the pyramid to the right side of the wifi box, and at that time I could still feel nauseous.

Uh oh, I thought, maybe even the orgonite couldn’t save me.

It took a little while but it was almost like I could feel the EMF around me being harmonized. I could feel the EMF less and less on a physical level, and I could definitely feel an energy shift in the office.

I shared my experience with Carol later, and she also mentioned that she had heard from other clients that sometimes orgonite takes time to harmonize the energy with the new environment.

I’m happy to report now that I can sit at my desk in Museflower’s office again without being affected by the EMF. Orgonite saved me.

Thank you Universe for guiding me.

To learn more about Carol’s work and check out her orgonite collection, visit her website here: https://www.poweredbygraceorgonite.com/

Some of Carol’s orgonite pieces are also available for sell in our shop at Museflower.  She has especially created six pyramid pieces just for Museflower.

To learn more about what orgonite is, Carol has answered a few technical questions about orgonite in our next blog here: What is orgonite and how does it work exactly?

Once a month at Museflower during the full moon period, I hold a fire release ceremony as part of our vibrational healing wellness class. As mentioned in one of my previous blogs “7 Ways to Heal from Stress”, a fire release ceremony is a very powerful way to help us release what no longer serves us symbolically and energetically.

However, since the air pollution has been really bad at Chiang Rai with a lot of haze and smog, I decided to go with a water release ceremony this month.

My intuition has guided me to offer something similar before in a private intuitive healing session, but this would be my first time facilitating a water release ceremony as a group.

In my mind I could already envision how the water release ceremony would go, so I prepared the materials the night before and went to bed.

Next morning I went to setup in the pavilion to be ready for the water release ceremony. A, our yoga teacher, and our two guests were there to join the class today. I had my color markers, 3 baskets and towels ready. A helped me to setup the rest of the space.

Setting up with pavilion to be ready for the water release ceremony

I was excited for a couple reasons.

It was my very first class since my holiday last month. One guest who was joining the class was a repeater guest, and I was looking forward to reconnecting with her. It was also my first water release ceremony as a group and I was curious to see what would unfold.

After I shared an introduction of what we would do in today’s class, we went around the circle to share our names and intention for the ceremony. Then I guided everyone for a short visualization meditation to help ground and re-center our energy.

Everyone would have some time to journal afterwards to write down what they would like to release in the ceremony today. It could be any limiting beliefs, emotions, memories, attachments, habits, situations, people, or anything else that were no longer aligned with our Highest Self.

Then I asked everyone to pick some stones that were just lying in front of the meditation pavilion, and use the washable color markers provided to draw and paint on the stones.

I explained that for every topic that each person wrote down on what they wanted to release, they would draw that out on the stone in any colors they wanted.

The key was in the process of coloring the stones. Allow the feelings and emotions of each topic to come up and express them as colors and drawings.

As I began my own process, I felt like that I was picking stones that represented a part of me. I placed four stones in my basket and returned to the pavilion.

When I was coloring the stones and transferring my feelings and emotions onto them, it was almost like the stones came alive. I followed my feeling and took my time to slowly color each one.

I didn’t plan to but I ended up painting a skeleton face on one stone, and a one-eye monster face on the other. As I was doing so, at one point I felt like I was going to cry.

I felt like my inner monsters came alive, but they were not as scary as I thought. They were just parts of me that needed to be heard, that needed some tender loving care.

Coloring the stones as part of the release process felt different than writing what I wanted to release on a piece of paper and burning it in fire. Of course burning the paper is a very powerful way to release. But the stone has turned what I wanted to release into a three-dimensional object, something I could touch and feel with my hands.

When everyone finished decorating their stones, we headed to the Chi lake platform together. I shared the instructions first and everyone would go on to release their own stones in the lake silently.

I offered my first stone into the lake and it quickly disappeared into the water. Though I couldn’t see the stone anymore, I saw the fishes and insects in the water and it was interesting to imagine that my stone would now be washed (as the colors were washable), returned to its original form and home (as these were river stones), and stay in this big body of water with lots of other living organisms inside. It was a very different feeling than witnessing a piece of paper being burnt into ashes.

With water, there was flow. There was ripple. There was life.

Our Chi Lake platform where we went to release our stones

I wanted to hold onto my second stone a bit longer before I released it; it was the one with the skeleton face on it. Because of the uneven surface on the rock, it looked like there was a real eye on it.

I felt that was a part of me – an old part of me that needed to be let go now. It wasn’t anything bad or negative, it was just with the change of time, I was not the same person one month ago. And everything around me was not the same as one month ago, especially coming back from my holiday I could see things differently – more clearly with a pair of fresh new eyes metaphorically speaking.

I realized there were many limitations I imposed on myself because of the label I placed on myself subconsciously. I felt that I was not good enough, and I was scared to fail. I was scared of disappointing myself. I had a lot of ideas, but I often felt scared to act on my ideas and the guidance from my intuition, and to show them to the world.

I know that I would feel safer this way, keeping all my ideas to myself so I could never be judged by others. But to be honest, I also built up a lot of frustration within me – a frustration of wanting to do my own things but never got to do them.

I got good at being busy doing other things and taking care of other people’s needs, and I felt like I never had enough time or energy to do the things that I wanted to do for myself.

It was time to move on and to gain a new perspective, and by releasing this stone, it was a symbolic way for me to move on emotionally and energetically too. It was time for some parts of me to catch up with other parts of me to be on the same page again.

I wanted to wash the painting of the skeleton face off first before releasing the stone, so I did. The skeleton face was a sad face with tears, so I wanted to clean that off with water as part of my own release process.

I then dropped the stone into the water slowly and offered my gratitude to all the stones and to water for helping me in the water release ceremony today.

Everyone finished and we gathered back at the pavilion one more time in our circle to share our experience. We finished our class with a gratitude meditation and picking an oracle card.

I shared in the circle that it was interesting when one person in the group threw the stone far away, it would rock the whole platform that we were all sitting on. When that happened, I was reminded that we were all on the same boat indeed.

Besides the ripple that was created in the water from the stone, there was also a ripple effect that was being created on the platform with everyone. That’s why a group release ceremony is always more powerful than doing it by ourselves.

After the class was finished, I was cleaning up with A and I realized my phone cord adapter was broken. Speaking of release, the Universe already showed me something that I could discard right then – a cord (literally and metaphorically maybe?).

As I was leaving the pavilion, I almost stepped onto a lizard. Luckily I didn’t. The lizard didn’t even move or run away, it was just sitting on a stone. Perhaps it was another sign from the Universe…?