How to Stop Complaining to Your Loved One

By Michele Cempaka
April 2016


“Honestly, I don’t want to complain anymore.

It’s like he’s not listening to me. He doesn’t really understand what I’m saying.

Does he still love me?

If he loves me then he should appreciate me more,” thinks a girl, while silently sobbing and holding her tears.

Honestly I don’t understand what she is thinking.

I love her but why doesn’t she see it?

I’m working so hard every day just for our family, for us.

Why does she keep complaining? I’m so tired from work, I’m so tired from fighting,” thinks a guy, while walking away silently to a different room.

How many times have you seen this scenario in TV, in your friend’s life, or in your life?

I have.

I’m the girl who is complaining when I don’t feel loved and appreciated by my partner.

I don’t want to sound like I’m whining all the time, but I do.

Thinking back when my fiancé and I first dated each other two years ago, everything seemed so perfect. He would always listen to me and stay by my side.

Fast forward to two years later. Now he’s been out for dinner with friends or for work. And me, yes a young-ish, independent-ish 30-year-old woman, sometimes feels like I’ve been abandoned.

And the big question — does he still love me the way he used to?

Luckily, I know that I’m not the only one who thinks like this.

“Communicating well with your partner is often a challenge for many couples, “ shares my friend Michele Cempaka, who is also a transformational coach and energy healer based in Bali. Michele has helped many couples move into a more expansive and loving space within their partnership before, so she has some wisdom to share in this area.

“When the romantic period is over, couples often find themselves arguing more. At first it can start out as bickering, but sometimes that bickering leads to bigger issues. One or both partners feel misunderstood or don’t feel like the other person is really listening to him/her.

Resentment builds and before you realize it, you’ve stopped communicating all together.”

Think a work environment. Communication is often the key to success. Mistakes happen because of miscommunication.

This actually also applies to a couple’s situation, or a family.

Sometimes we are the worst with communication when it comes to our closest ones.

I am most certainly respectful when I communicate with my staff. But when it comes to my fiancé, I admit that sometimes I say things so harsh that I regret afterwards.

Or sometimes emotions just burst out like a volcano being awakened. This can cause serious cracks in our relationship.

So what should I do to mend these cracks?

“No one wants to get to this point,” says Michele. “It’s important to rediscover the joys of communication with your partner, so you can get back on track with having a loving and fulfilling relationship with each other.”

Michele shares some useful tips to help strengthen the communication of a relationship:

Tip #1: Give Space

Be sure to give your partner space after she/he arrives home from work. Often this is when someone feels quite tired and stressed, so it’s not the best time to talk about problems.

Welcome your partner with a big smile and hug. Barriers will easily melt and your partner will be in a more relaxed mindset.

After 30 minutes or so, approach your partner and let him/her know you’d really like to talk to him/her about something important.

Check in to see if now is a good time is or if a little later would be better. Honor your partner’s request.

Tip #2: Actively Listen

When your partner is sharing his/her thoughts and feelings about something important, take a moment to stop whatever you’re doing. Sit down together and really listen to what your partner is telling you.

Don’t interrupt, just listen. Keep eye contact and reflect back to your partner some important points that he/she has just shared, so that your partner feels validated.

Then when it seems your partner has finished talking, check to see if he/she has anything else to say. If the answer is no, then you can go ahead and share your thoughts and feelings about this situation.

Your partner ideally will also honor you by not interrupting during your sharing and reflecting back to you some important points that you’re speaking about.

Tip #3: Be Accountable of Yourself

Be accountable for your own thoughts, feelings and reactions!

Many times we want to blame our partner for everything that is going wrong in the relationship.

We can’t see how we are also co-creating this reality based on our own life experiences, traumas and thought patterns.

The more that you are willing to be accountable for whatever is showing up that you don’t like, the more possibility there is to change what isn’t working in your relationship.

Think carefully about your choice of words before you speak. Consider what your partner says, and rather than ‘reacting’, choose to respond from a neutral place.

When we heal our own wounds, we no longer react from that space of being a victim. We are then able to fully embrace all that our partner contributes to our life.

This is key to having a truly healthy and happy relationship with our partner. We first must look within ourselves.



Michele is right. It’s so easy to put the responsibility of our happiness on other people.

He should do this for me. If he does this then I will be happy. If he does that then it means he loves me.

But this is putting myself in a victim mode, and we all know that true happiness is not ‘given’ by someone else. It all starts from within.

I need to look at why I get emotionally triggered at the first place by my partner, and for this I need to dig deep within and find out what kind of limiting beliefs I hold in my subconscious level.

Our partner is just like a mirror reflecting our own life lesson, and they are here to help us grow and evolve in our spiritual journey.

So today I choose not to complain. I choose to respond from a loving place. I choose to open my heart and listen.

I choose to communicate with joy, respect, and love.




Do you have any communication issues with your partner? Does this post resonate with you? 

Check out Michele’s FREE audio interview here about why she’s holding the Couple’s retreat, her view towards relationships, and a free exercise you can try at home to improve communication between you and your loved one.


Oct 10 – 15, 2016
Couple’s Retreat – A Journey of Conscious Loving with Michele Cempaka




Michele Cempaka is holding her first Couple’s Retreat at Museflower Retreat & Spa, Chiang Rai, from October 10–15, 2016. In this retreat, she will share potent tools to facilitate change and growth in your relationship. You will uncover any limiting beliefs in yourself or your relationship that are blocking you from having a fulfilling and harmonious partnership.

Couples don’t need to have serious issues to join a couple’s retreat. This retreat is designed to strengthen the connection between you and your partner.

For more information about Michele’s Couple’s Retreat, visit here


About Michele Cempaka


Michele Cempaka became a Reiki Master in 2007 which was a catalyst for a major life change that led her to the path of becoming a full time energy healer. She is also a Shamanic practitioner, certified hypnotherapist, Access BARS practitioner, Transformational Coach & has originated her own healing modality called ETRCC (Emotional therapy thru Reiki Chakra Clearing).

For more information about Michele’s work, please visit her personal website at: