By Tania Ho
May 2, 2020
Clearly money is not the solution – a realization came to me one morning.
My story began one day when I asked the Universe how I could receive more money to expand and fill up my reservoir of wealth, so to speak.
Because I lived in the countryside, power outage was common. If there were rain, the power would go down. If there were no rain, the power could still go down.
We had installed a back up generator that would start automatically when the power went down to make sure everything could still run smoothly for the guests at Museflower Retreat & Spa and my home.
That night, lightning was flashing. I could hear thunders at a far distance. It was only a matter of time, or chance, that the power could go down.
The Internet was the first to go down around 7pm. I usually called my mom and my sister around this time, and I could only use the mobile data from my phone. Even then, the signal of my data network was weak. We tried a few times but the call kept on being interrupted with still video or lag.
Never mind, I’ll call tomorrow. I texted my sister. The wifi is down.
I can follow this online meditation tonight, I thought to myself.
But I forgot the Internet from my mobile data was loading very slowly.
Never mind. I’ll just take a shower and read my book.
The wind started to blow hard. An image flashed in my mind that I could be in the middle of the shower and the power could go down. The worst.
I should probably hurry so I jumped to the shower.
And of course, anyone could have guessed it.
Just when I was rinsing my hair, the power went down. The whole house went pitch black. The hot water stopped flowing. Luckily, there were still drips of cold water falling down from the shower tap, and I could barely rinse off the conditioner in my hair.
And why is the backup generator not working? Arrghhhh…
I let out a sigh. In the pitch black I stepped out of the bathtub, found my towel and my phone, and the first thing I did was to wrap my wet hair in the towel. I might sleep in my hair towel tonight without the hair dryer working. And I hated sleeping in wet hair.
I called my staff and my husband. No one picked up. My husband was not here tonight, he was staying at a friend’s. How convenient.
I was getting frustrated. Not because of the blackout. It was because the backup generator which I paid an enormous amount of money for, was supposed to start automatically and it was not working. And I didn’t know why.
I opened the windows. Luckily it was cool with the wind. I lit a candle and I sat down on the edge of my bed. My son was sleeping soundly above.
Well, I could not read my book anymore. All I got was darkness, me, and my frustration.
So, I decided to meditate. I had to do something to let my hair dry for a bit longer in the hair towel.
I took a few deep breaths. Suddenly there were some banging noises outside in the living room. My mind kicked up to alert mode. When it was pitch black, everything just seemed scarier. Was someone in the kitchen? Was it my father-in-law? Last I checked he was already sleeping in his bedroom….
Eh..okay, my cat Mela.
She was chasing some poor creature again. I hope she didn’t bring a mouse into the house. I could not deal with one more drama in this pitch-black darkness.
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths again. I remembered what came up recently in my soul writing online class with my friend Sarah. I was writing about the bottom of the ocean floor where there was only darkness and sand. I felt like I was sitting in the same darkness.
I was in the void. The cosmic womb. I started repeating affirmations that came to my mind.
I am safe. I am protected. I am safe.
Then my phone started to vibrate. My husband was calling back. As I picked up the phone and said hello, my son woke up and started to cry.
I had to quickly hang up the call, and went to comfort my son. Someone else called back meanwhile. The light of my phone was flashing in the background as I was patting the back of my son, wishing him to fall back asleep soon.
You know the moment when everyone was calling you back at the same time and at the most inconvenient time, when initially no one you called picked up the phone. That was the moment – the moment of pure frustration.
Oh my goddd……
Finally my son fell back to sleep and I called my husband back. Still no electricity – both from the main line nor the backup generator. My husband said he called one of my staff and explained the reason why the generator was not working properly.
That was when my frustration exploded into anger, and bless my husband, he held the space so well with being so understanding.
Why did I pay all this money for the generator, and for all the staff when no one could help me in this situation?
I couldn’t talk anymore, I told my husband. I just needed space to calm down by myself. Logically I understood everything he said, but emotionally I was not there, yet.
I hung up, and poof, just like magic, the power came back. Ah…a relief. At least now I could blow dry my hair quickly and maybe even enjoy a bit of reading. I closed the windows and switched on the air-con.
It was 11pm. I was ready to sleep and I was calmer. Just when I was lying on bed, the power went out again.
And nope, the backup generator did not work this time either.
I lied down on my bed and carried on doing what I did every night – I prayed. I prayed and I waited to see if the electricity would come back.
After it felt like an eternity, I was going to get up and open the windows again and suddenly the green light of the air-con popped up with a beep.
Thank you God.
I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning as I was sitting in meditation and contemplation, I was in a much better headspace.
And then I realized, I got my answer from the Universe. The answer to my question was clear – money was not the solution.
Last night when there was no Internet, no electricity, and no one else, all I got was me and my intuition.
I also got my past experience knowing that electricity would come back eventually, my trust that the Universe always gave me what I needed, and the support and result from my daily spiritual practices that I could sit there and be calm.
Yes, I was calm about the blackout. I knew I was going to be okay. I was just pissed off that the backup generator was not working. I knew I was always given what I needed by the Universe, not necessarily what I wanted.
At that moment, money could not solve any of my problems or my frustration. Only my intuition and my awareness could.
It was funny because the same night when there was still Internet, I was chatting with a friend who was considering to join a writing workshop but it was expensive. I asked her, if money were not an issue, would she still be interested to go?
This is a powerful question to reflect on.
If money were not an issue, what would you do?
When I asked myself this question honestly, I realized that if I took money out of the equation, and if I was still unsure, then perhaps it was because of my fear of failure, or perhaps genuinely I wanted to say no but didn’t have the guts to do so. I just used money as an excuse to stop giving myself full permission to either say yes or to say no.
In my friend’s case, she realized that the workshop was not really what she was interested in at that moment after she reread the workshop description in detail.
How often do we think that we need money to do this and that? That only when we have the money, then we can achieve our dreams or follow our passions? Only when we have enough money, then we can be truly happy and satisfied?
I’m not saying money is not important. It is. Money helps us to manifest our dreams and desires easier into this reality.
The point here is not about having enough money. It is about priorities. Knowing what you need versus what you want. What is important at this moment?
A lot of times, money is not the solution to our questions. How can I know what is the purpose of my life? How can I have more courage? How can I live with more energy and vitality? What is the first step into achieving my dream?
And even in the context of the backup generator problem, it is not the problem of the machine itself but how it is handled and taken care of by people.
The Universe’s answer to my question is to change the question.
Instead of asking how I can receive more money, I now ask, how can I be more open to receive support from the Universe in general?
Probably the answer lies in my intuition too.
Truly, my intuition is my superpower.