Giving up is only part of the process, not the destination.
This realization landed on me when the new website of Museflower was finally completed and launched.
In this blog today I want to share with you my emotional and mental journey of the whole revamp process of Museflower’s website.
For anyone who feels like you want to give up, I’ll share with you the key takeaway from my experience up front.
Never lose hope.
By hope I mean trust and faith in the Universe.
When you feel stuck. When you feel like you are walking in this darkness and cannot see the end of the tunnel. When you hit rock bottom and cannot see any silver lining. When you feel like giving up. Know that it is only part of the process.
Give it up for now if you will. Let it go. The Universe always has something better than when we have planned in our mind. We are always supported by the Universe.
Here is my story.
By May 2019, I noticed errors on Museflower’s website. I uploaded some photos but they just wouldn’t show. I asked my then website designer and she said it was time to upgrade the platform.
Previously we moved the website from WordPress to Craft (a different webite hosting platform) when everything crashed one day all of the sudden on WordPress. The upgrade needed basically was from a version 2.0 to 3.0, however with Craft the web designer would need to install a completely new version.
I agreed for the upgrade. I always view technological upgrades as a reflection of our own energetic upgrades. If our vibration is rising and our energies are changing as we grow and evolve, naturally everything in our environment will be a reflection of that too.
Paid and ready to go.
Two months later, the web designer told me that there were technological difficulties upgrading the site. She would have to rebuild the entire website. At that point I asked if it would be the same as building the website on WordPress again. Basically she said it would be no different at this point. So we agreed to move the site back to WordPress.
Paid again and ready to go.
Six months later, the WordPress site was finally ready. During the six months I emailed and followed up. Some days I didn’t get a reply. Some days I did. I waited. I felt frustrated about the progress but I didn’t want to keep pushing. So I left it alone. In a way I had already given up.
When the WordPress site was handed back to me, some pages were missing. The content was not updated. And some of the webpages looked messy.
I felt like a broken ceramic bowl was handed back to me. Pieces were stuck back together but they were not at the right place anymore. The beauty was lost.
Now I want to emphasize that I am not placing blame on others. I had a part in this too. I accepted mediocrity. I told myself it was okay and I shouldn’t be too pushy or fuzzy. I wanted to avoid conflict.
Mainly the conflict was within myself – my heart and my mind. My mind was telling me that it all worked out with this person before, so it must work out again this time. Also I had already invested so much time and money and energy with this person for the website.
But my heart knew the synergy of working with this person was not there anymore. The passion, enthusiasm, and excitement of birthing and creating a new project was not there since the beginning from both sides. An initial task of simply upgrading the web hosting platform had turned into something unexpected and challenging. And I could sense the web designer had lost her heart in it too.
All right, I told myself that I just had to take this on myself. That night, it took me 3 hours to redesign the layout of a single page. I was proud of myself definitely. But I also knew that I lacked the necessary technical and design skills to do it professionally.
I tried to redesign some other pages but quickly lost heart in it. The thought of doing anything on the website drained me. I only updated what was necessary and told myself I’d get to it when I would have more time.
Then COVID-19 hit Thailand in March 2020. We were closed since end of March. By end of April I had the idea to work on my own website separate from Museflower’s website, that would highlight my intuitive healing services.
I was struggling in my mind whether if I should find a web designer to help or do it myself. To be honest I didn’t know where to begin. Having invested so much in the past for web design services but the return was little (on the surface) gave me hesitations to invest more money for another website. What if the same would happen?
I say the return was little on the surface because in fact as a soul lesson it was huge.
Funny enough I started to follow a soulful web designer at the beginning of 2019. I loved her work but at that time I didn’t have any project on hand to work with her. So I signed up for her newsletter and read her blogs. I later even bought her book and read it.
It was when I was reading her book that I decided to reach out to her. I didn’t know how much it would cost to build my own website. But I knew that I could pull together the amount of money needed for the website. It was all about priorities.
We connected online and it felt right. I asked her and her husband to help with the technical errors of Museflower page and they quickly resolved it.
We were in the process of developing my own personal logo, and during that time I asked about the possibility of redesigning the page layout of Museflower website. She suggested that it would probably be better to build the website from scratch.
Oh my god, was my first reaction. From what I thought a simple task of upgrading web hosting versions from one year ago to migrating web platforms to now, a proposal of a complete redesign and revamp of the website.
My ego was practically screaming at me. How about all the money that was invested? What if it didn’t work out again?
I had to take a step back and honestly check in with my feelings. I had to look at the website with my heart, not with my head. Did the current website design spark joy within me? Did I still love it?
The answer was clear. It was a no, but I was afraid to admit that. All I saw was a disaster. It didn’t bring me any joy, instead it just drained me.
I knew deep inside my heart it was time for a change.
As we grow and evolve, our energies are constantly changing. What served me previously (like the old website) no longer reflected who I am today.
Sometimes we just need to take a leap of faith. Have the courage to follow and act on the intuition and the clarity that our hearts show us.
That’s what I did. We put on brakes on my own website and pushed on the gas to redesign the Museflower website.
Two months later, the new Museflower website with a completely revamped design was born.
In the past one year and three months, there were numerous times I had just given up. Looking back, those moments of giving up were the Universe’s way to make me wait. To wait for the right timing, the right people and the right opportunities to show up. And to wait for myself, for when I am ready to show up.
Giving up doesn’t mean you have failed. Think of giving up as a way of surrendering. It is part of the growing and evolving process.
Like the old saying goes, when one door closes, another door opens. Sometime the other door may not open right away. Maybe it’s because we haven’t closed the old door completely yet. Maybe it’s because we just have to be patient and wait.
Seeds are already planted. Roots are growing underground. We have to wait for the sprouts to reach up the surface and to break open the soil.
If you feel like giving up on your dream, on love, on finding your true home, on being your best self or on knowing what your life purpose is, never lose hope. The Universe always supports you.
Know that giving up is just part of the process. It’s not the end destination.
As I’m in the process of writing this blog, my friend and yoga teacher Tammy Hayano has shared her journey on her facebook page about finding her new temporary home during this uncertain time. Her story is a beautiful parallel to what I have shared in mine. In Tammy’s own words, hers was a journey of strength, determination to carry on, staying true to her own needs, and trust.
I have asked her permission to share her Facebook post below.
By sharing her story and mine, you may notice parallels in your own life. Whatever it is, know that you are not alone. Know that one day you can look back to today and say, oh what a blessing that experience has been.
Here is Tammy’s story:
“After leaving Chiang Mai at the end of February, I spent the past 5 months feeling like I was in my own ‘no man’s land’—that unclaimed place between here and there. Due to COVID, I could not return to Thailand and was not able to relocate to Japan. I had no desire to base myself in San Francisco/Bay Area, yet I was stuck here and with a cost of living that was 4x higher than my middle class lifestyle in SE Asia.
And so it was— sleeping on my dad’s couch, my sister’s air mattress, staying at an Airbnb in a seedy area, subletting at a retreat guest-turned friend’s apartment, living in an off-campus student dormitory in one of the roughest SF neighborhoods, applying to (and being denied at) over 25 different intentional communities/work trades/ashrams/volunteer residency programs at retreat centers.
I finally asked the Universe for a location where I’d feel nourished on the physical, mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual level. I wanted a place that was warm, close to nature, had a relaxed vibe, a wellness/healing community, and best value for my budget. Santa Cruz, CA came up.
Next came my search for a place to live: a safe and quiet area, my own furnished room in a houseshare with working professionals, no smoking of anything, no drugs, and no drinking (or only responsible drinking).
I spent 3 nights in a motel with my belongings and foldable bike following up on housing leads. Just when I was ready to give up, I found an incredible 8 bedroom co-living apartment where I am currently the only tenant. I also chose the only room that came furnished. It’s near the railroad tracks, which explains the recurring visions of toy trains on a track in my meditation two weeks ago.
However, THE defining moment affirming that I’m meant to be here was when I took a walk around my neighborhood yesterday. I randomly stopped inside The River Cafe to get a latte. It turns out that the owners newly acquired the business, and they are Tibetan! The funny part was that I was so busy looking at what kind of cookie I was going to buy that I almost missed the huge portrait of the Dalai Lama and the prayer flags that were right in front of me. I casually mentioned that “I am pretty sure I was Tibetan in my past life” (due to a lifelong connection to the country and interesting occurrences I’ve had). Without blinking an eye, the owner says, “Oh, then would you like to try some momos?” When I returned today for lunch (and more momos), the owner gifted me a set of Tibetan prayer flags.
Thank you universe and spiritual guides. I had my doubts, but now I see all the steps that landed me here. I am slowly becoming more fluent in your language— noticing the signs you give me; receiving support from family and friends; ensuring that I’ve set my boundaries before the next part can open up for me; being clear with what I want; trusting the timing; and being in a place of knowing.
‘I have arrived. I am home.’ ~Thich Nhat Hanh”
About Tammy Hayano:
Tammy is an international yoga teacher, TRE facilitator and founder of Hanuman Yoga Retreats. You can find more of Tammy’s blogs here: https://www.hanumanyogaretreat.com/blog